I don't know your thoughts these days / We're strangers in an empty space
I don't understand your heart / It's easier to be apart

We hadn't had a proper conversation in such a long long while that I've almost forgot the sound of your voice. It's ironic how we're kind of drifting apart just because of my personal beliefs that i should "stay away", and also because of the things others' say. But fact is that I really miss you. Not in the romantic, cheesy "let's stay together forever" kind of way, but in the sense that i miss your presence, and i miss talking to you about everything and anything without having to consider all these other factors. I miss my best friend.



Through it all i guess things change and i'd have to really find ways to channel my thoughts and energy into my priorities now - i've gotta get my grades right once and for all, anyway. It's just kind of sad to realise that everything changes and challenges to friendships you treasure and cherish the most would surface, making you doubt the strength and meaning behind them. I really don't want thoughts of reconsideration to float in my mind ever again. It haunts me.

It's not really about how much two people meet up or talk to determine how close they are, and its always said that as long as these best friends are there for each other in times of need or comfort then it's good enough. But what if we can't even communicate our problems anymore? For now it's more of a i'm-not-sure-if-she-really-doesn't-like-me-so-i'll-just-keep-my-distance for one and i-don't-want-to-be-an-added-burden-to-his-upcoming-hectic-Alvl-prep-life for the other kind of thing. It's just tiring and vexing when all i'm thinking now is how long would this last before break-point? Perhaps i'm over-thinking this but who wouldn't, really. It's as though this friendship that i invested so much effort and soul into is about to come to a close or something. And it's as though i'm about to lose something i care so much about and hold dearly.

I guess i just got used to it. Used to having someone there for me through anything and everything that happens. And when you get used to things you'd get expectations - and as they all say, the higher the expectations, the larger the disappointment too. I won't deny that i'm probably at fault by distancing myself; but believe me, i tried to let go of these stupid i-shall-not-be-a-burden kind of value systems. It didn't work. Precisely the reason why i'm feeling rather vexed now.
I'm still trying, though. Trying to care and not completely lose touch of this friendship which i cherish so damned much. And it just doesn't feel good to realize that i may truly just lose this. It wouldn't be the same, but i'm just hoping that it wouldn't become awkward or overly distant. May the faith i have in this friendship being resolute and strong bring me through this dreadful period. And i hope it'd truly be strong enough.
I can't afford to let that happen, to let yet another amazing friendship just slip through my fingers. It'd hurt, and i'd hurt too much; it'd be too much for me to bear.

 So yes, i miss my best friend. And i'm trying really hard not to let it affect me too much.