Disclaimer: I love my parents and they're really good people who love, nuture and care for me. What i'm thrashing below is some things that I really cannot agree with.
1. People are put into our lives for a reason
I believe in this so, so much. Most of us would all have had "friends" who've betrayed us, backstabbed us, hurt us, flamed us, cyber bullied us, used us or cheated us. But think about it this way: they made us learn, they made us grow and they made us stronger. And most of the time, they learn, they grow and they become better people too. Point is, no matter what it is, and no matter how "unhealthy" these people have been for us; they were in our lives for a reason and its up to us on how we want to decipher and give meaning to this relationship, friendship and/or acquaintance.
Who doesn't make mistakes? Who doesn't want to be a better person than they are right now? Trust me, there're so many out there like you and me who're striving so hard to be better people everyday. Some may struggle or some may seem nonchalant, but is it really that hard to simply have faith in everyone's intrinsic goodness?
2. Never make generalizations nor associations too quickly
So I know this friend from XXX "neighbourhood" school whose grades totally suck and smokes and has a tattoo and all. Yeah, sounds bad right? But hey, does all these really define a person and deem them to be bad people? (And if you're struggling to find an answer here it is: no)
Does this then mean that all scholars, top scorers, character award winners, obedient, seemingly mature people are all good people? There are so many counterexamples for this.
Understand that as much as they make these seemingly unwise or "improper" decisions at times, it doesn't define the person they are. It doesn't show their heart, it doesn't show their thoughts and it definitely doesn't show exactly what kind of a person they may be.
There is so much goodness in this world that may be unseen. Embrace the unseen.
3. It hurts to judge
How easy it is to hang these words by our mouths, isn't it? How many of us even make a conscious effort to really take a step back and really give a good thought about it?
Imagine this: your good friend's parents / other friends / other people in their lives hear about you and some of the things you do / have done that are probably not the things you're very proud of (or sometimes, they don't even hear about the things you do), and the first statement that comes from them is "oh, must be a junkie / unsafe person / not a good person". Ouch. Yeah, maybe it hasn't happened to you before or you may not think much about it, but hey, empathise a little. Feel a little. Consider a little. And maybe after that you'd realise a little how hurtful it really is.
4. Never base a person's importance on how "valuable" he/she may be to you
"Why make time for someone who's not so important? You've got no time for them."
Um, excuse me?
Some of the people in our lives may not be of best influence, but does that make them any less important? Define importance. To start things off, what is more important to you: a good role model who is just merely a good role model, or someone who's not so much of the best role model, but has been there for you in tough times? Would you choose to place a higher importance on someone who's successful, or someone who works together alongside you in pursuit of success?
Whatever your choice may be, here's one thing: the best person in this world may not be the best person for you. Through it all, as much as the successful and good people can probably bring us benefits or reap positive outcomes for us, lets not forget those "not so good" people who stuck by us, or even made us mature and grow through the things they let us experience / know about. They're important, too.
5. Assertions are unnecessary
There is a immense and H U G E difference between giving an opinion and bringing forth an assertion. To assert oneself is "declare one's views forcefully". Give yourself some space, and slow down for a bit. Are absolute terms that give a huge stamp on the issue really needed? Is the imposition of your beliefs and views unto another really necessary?
6. So I listen to Lady Gaga, am I bad?
Okay so this point is rather random but it popped up in my head. I really love Lady Gaga's ideas, music, talent and her heart. And as much as many would refute saying that its all part of a campaign or publicity stunt to gain more fans and supporters; (I would like to repeat this again) is it really that hard to have faith in humanity and it's goodness? Are social norms (which are often viewed as contrived and convoluted anyway) really that important to pursue?
I have friends from different backgrounds and places ranging from really obedient and seemingly naïve ones to really wild and liberal ones. So if you associate me with the people i'm friends with then... what am I? Alien?
I've drunk alcohol and uttered vulgarities before. Am I bad? I don't have stellar grades (or in fact, I don't even have meagre grades for now). Am I bad?
I'd like to think otherwise.
7. At least try to understand that everyone become the people they are because of certain situations, experiences and circumstances
Even if we can't completely empathise or understand what anyone is going through, we should at least try, right? Instead of passing sweeping judgements and statements on how some person "is" when you might not even know what they've truly gone through.
Many a time, we fail to see (or in some cases, overlook) how insecure anyone may be about themselves. Think about it; would someone who's constantly looked down upon or judged feel good about themselves and have a really brimming self-esteem? Would they truly not care about all those comments and hurtful judgements? Would you really not care, if you were to be in their shoes? Or would you have to put in conscious effort not to care?
Everyone has struggles of their own. Some may not have good relationships with their parents, some may have lost something or someone they hold dear, some may have not been "taught properly" on how to be a "good person", or something may have happened to some in their lives. Heck, there're so many different factors. And all these different factors and experiences shape us to be who we are.
So instead of judging so quickly and carelessly, why not try to understand a little more about the person first?
8. Pause, and rethink
It is arguably intrinsic in us to judge, and I know of some who may use the phrase "I can't help it" I their own defense. True enough, we instinctively form certain judgements and associations in our head when we see or hear about someone or some situation; but how about this: challenge these instinctive judgements. Question yourself. Is it really true? Am I generalizing? Am I being overly harsh? Am I being unfair? Do I really know this person / situation well? Do I even know this person? Do I have the grounds or basis to judge this person / situation?
The world would honestly be a better place if people simply took these few moments to pause, take a step back, regroup and rethink about these fleeting judgements we may have about others.
Think broadly. Consider perspectives. Be objective.
We often blame social norms and our "culture" for shaping us to be judgemental, yada yada. But yet again, take a step back and think back; aren't we the ones who're following and condoning these social norms and negativity in the first place? Quoting Thought Catalog, "it's not a matter of how our culture needs to change, but how we need to start choosing for ourselves genuinely, and allowing culture to take shape around that instead of the other way around."
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It's been quite a lengthy and rant-y post but I hope I've made sense. And I also hope that I didn't seem too idealistic / naive because that was completely not my intention. Albeit knowing how ugly reality and society can be at times, how you choose to see it is the most important isn't it? It's like our choice on wanting happiness - we've got so many things to be unhappy about but yet we constantly find that way out and choose to be happy.
Whatever it is, bottom-line is, make a conscious effort to challenge judgements. Spread love, spread positivity, spread love and spread acceptance. For this not only benefits others, it benefits us too.
It makes us... well, better.
