Disclaimer: This post has absolutely NO intent of hurting anyone who has parent issues or family problems or anything so please don't take it personally or that i'm flaunting my tight knit family. On the contrary, though i'm thankful for a good family like mine, i'm barely breathing under this control.

I don't get it. I don't get how you can't seem to understand that i've been doing my best to understand you, that i've been rejecting many meetings and outings and all and that i'm doing my best to be a better sister and daughter. I don't get how you don't understand it when i always communicate with you, telling you my thoughts and what's going on in my life. Most of all i don't get how you feel that i'm not sensible enough to know whats the "right thing to do" when it comes to the restrictions of this family. I know. I really do know.

I'm hurt. I truly am cause i just feel that you don't see the effort i'm putting into allowing you into my life (c'mon just think about it, how many kids would willingly show their blog posts and urls or tweets and messages for you to read). I'm hurt also because with this amount of communication, i thought you'd trust my sensibility more but noooo, you still continued to doubt it.

I've been rejecting and shrugging off so many meetings so as to allow myself to spend more time with y'all and to stay at home more so you wouldn't get the pressure from grandparents. Out of the many seasons of camps and coaching activities i've been through, i've never once stayed for supper or the afterparty. I hope you understand that even as these sessions mean alot to me, i left because i knew i was to be responsible for my curfews and that i understood that our family couldn't tolerate night activities as well as other families could. And to be really honest, i accept it because i know every family has its rules. Ours may have many but it contributed alot to our good upbringing and our sense of right and wrong, and i'm proud of it.

However, accepting it doesn't mean that i'd allow myself to be completely restricted. And thats the reason i make requests. I make requests to go out and spend time with my friends, to spend time with people who matter to me, too. Yes, perhaps the number of requests to you are overwhelming and you find that i'm overzealous in saying yes, but let me just tell you that all these requests are already the filtered ones. And i'd open my mouth to ask about it only because these are the ones that matter to me, more. (Also, if i were to be extremely candid, i'd tell you this: at least i tell you where i'm going.)

I admit, in the past i used to be less sensible and less understanding toward your predicament and pressure from grandpa and grandma and that you were accountable for me. But trust me, i've grown up. I'm willing and capable of shrugging off appointments and outings for you; but you can't possibly expect me to say no to everything, especially when its with groups of people who matter alot to me. If you ask me to choose between the zoo and S1 coaches gathering, i could and i would. But not going for both? I'm sorry, it takes alot for me to be willing and happy about it.

So here I am writing again on this blog because i know you'd read it. I write with no bad intentions and i write with all the love and respect i have because i'm so thankful for you and our tight knit family. I'm so thankful that we can communicate and i can have a chance to have you as my best friend. But mom, i hope you understand that i'm seventeen and not seven. I have the capability to make rational and responsible decisions and i urge to you understand that. I need my space, and i need my freedom.

Most of all, i need your tolerance, your understanding, your trust, and a chance.